Personal Prayer Reflections

“Sit yourself down on a log there by the Fire and we’ll have a mighty chat. Wanna cup of coffee?”

                                                                     by Beth Ann Lively on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 11:25am

I pray constantly all day long and especially in the morning when I wake up and again when I go to bed.   I simply find myself talking to God as I would to any trusted confidant--telling Him stories, thanking Him for His love, asking Him to free me from pain, trying to explain how I feel, apologizing for all my mistakes, my flashes of selfish ego.   Often, amazingly enough, it is not me who instigates these conversations, but Him.   He coaxes me to come to Him; smiles in that way beloveds have that lets me know it is time to talk truth. 

In the last few years prayer seems to come for me all the time, come seeking me out like this old friend who will never tire of loving me.   Words that do not come from me spill through my brain.   They distract me from self-pity, lead me back to Him.   They calm and reassure.   Sometimes I know they're there, but I'm so upset I can't focus on them.

It is like God prays to me to teach me how to pray to Him.  Usually, I listen, sometimes I can't. Either way He finds me. When I can't hear, He shows me. He simply will not allow me to get lost!

Consequently, I adore Him. He is my beloved on whom I rely, and I know He will never hurt me or stop helping me. I am beginning to see how He needs me, too--beginning to believe He needs me, too--and that belief has empowered me in ways I previously did not embrace. 

I am a neophyte Spirit, a Master's apprentice, an old student dropout who is finally learning to fly. 

Most of the time, now, I do not look at things alone, but always with Him by my side, looking, too.  I have learned I do not need to be in charge, and when I am confident in my prayers, He answers with what I need instantaneously.   He whispers, "Why don't you just let Me worry about that . . ."   And these days, finally, I do. 

Right now, I am as weak or weaker than I have ever been, but feel more settled in myself than I have ever been.   I think that peace comes from embracing His Spirit in me, from letting go and realizing I do not need to circle my wagons to protect myself because I have an invincible Savior guarding my soul. I am able to rest by the Holy Fire in me, stop listening for wolves, and never meet a stranger, because I know He needs me, so I know He is looking out for me.  

“So, sit yourself down on a log there by the Fire and we’ll have a mighty chat. Wanna cup of coffee?”