Shadows of Grief

Excerpts I

 Settling In

And so I lift the yoke

carefully, lovingly,

and with some effort

place it smoothly, firmly

on my waiting shoulders;

where I straighten it

slowly, respectfully

until it feels

balanced and bearable

wearable and terrible

and I lift my neck

my eyes to God

above me

see God around me

know God is in me

and I limp

back to

my

life.

Lively 2009

Coyote's Only Cry at Night

 

Vincent Van Gogh said, "The best way to know God is to love many things," and I think that, too. It is also said, "To be vulnerable is to be human at the most profound and enriching level," and I also believe that.

Practicing these beliefs is a sometimes painful way to live in this unfair, often harsh world, but I have found it to be the only way worth anything. The rest is an empty shell.

Without love, we aren't living at all, but rather only stumbling blindly in the dark toward nothing, in a barren, lonely world. To know love is to know God and illuminate the darkest moments. Staying connected to others is the key.

Trusting, loving, daring to reach out to others and to allow them inside, connects each of us to the Living Vine of Christ, the richest of all sanctuaries. I thank God every day for all those with whom I have connections. You each pour out love like rich, red wine into my parched soul.

In the end, love is all we take with us from this world. And all is enough.

L@@King UP

Nietzsche said, “After you’ve gazed long enough into the abyss, it will also gaze into you.”

 In Philippians 4:8, Paul writes, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

Both are right. One tells us how to find peace and happiness, how to help ourselves focus on loving like Christ, while the other flat out warns us of the alternative.  

I have had long staring contests with the abyss, and only now, past half a decade of days, seen clearly my way to look uninhibitedly upon the glory of the other.  Ironically enough, it is the hot depths of despair that burned the cataracts of doubt from my eyes making them clear and clean enough to see God.   

I hope to spend all the rest of my days describing what I see in the depths of joy. I wish to spend the rest of my days in the palm of the gentle hand of Christ. I plan to spend all the rest of my days bathing in the fresh cool waters His fount of love.

I hope, I wish, I plan . . . I pray . . . even as I know I am not in charge anymore.  He decides for me, and He, I know, plans to use me for tasks that will carry me far down away from His embrace into the needs of His people.  Into the depths, again, from which I have so recently emerged, so rapturously been rescued.

The way I know well. He needs someone who knows the way in because he must have someone who can find her way back out. He needs someone who understands why others would descend in the first place. He needs the hands and feet of someone who has been tested by the fire, so no longer fears it. Someone who can endure the fire long enough to bring others out as their will allows them; someone willing to ignore death for the sake of life.

This is not the same route through which I first entered, but I will recognize the way regardless and this time, I will be carrying a Lantern through the darkness. A Lantern planted within me at birth, which now shines through glass as clear as mountain air, glass molten once in a pool of fire, now poured and blown, then shaped and cooled with the artistry of the breath of the Holy Spirit.

I start work, officially, tomorrow.

2011 Indiana State Fair Tragic Accident

We never know when that time will come--to die, to help, to witness, to reflect . . . Prayers go out to all those traumatized by this horrific accident--some shocked by what unfolded before them, some broken in hospitals or at home, too many devastated, as they grieve for loved ones lost.    

Pray for Sugarland, for our Indianapolis and Indiana community, for those who set up the equipment, those in charge and working at the State Fair 2011. Many, many, many of us are stunned by this and we need each other to bind together and pray for God to surround all with comfort, peace, hope.

I teach in Indianapolis Public Schools and have for nineteen years. I know hundreds of  beautiful, God loving souls from my years of teaching, and I know the power of prayer.  I know hundreds of Spirit filled friends and loved ones. You know me or you would not be getting this, and I know each of you enough to know you are, in the hundreds,  people of strong faith and, trust me,  the power of our prayer WILL help these people--help ALL of us.  

Pray for hope, for peace, for loving comfort. Prayer vigils, personal prayer, small gatherings—whatever you wish; the Holy Spirit hears us ALL.

We have it in us to comfort, to soothe, to save for this terrible accident or anytime. I know it for a fact. 

Dare to share your faith.

Personal Prayer Reflections

“Sit yourself down on a log there by the Fire and we’ll have a mighty chat. Wanna cup of coffee?”

                                                                     by Beth Ann Lively on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 11:25am

I pray constantly all day long and especially in the morning when I wake up and again when I go to bed.   I simply find myself talking to God as I would to any trusted confidant--telling Him stories, thanking Him for His love, asking Him to free me from pain, trying to explain how I feel, apologizing for all my mistakes, my flashes of selfish ego.   Often, amazingly enough, it is not me who instigates these conversations, but Him.   He coaxes me to come to Him; smiles in that way beloveds have that lets me know it is time to talk truth. 

In the last few years prayer seems to come for me all the time, come seeking me out like this old friend who will never tire of loving me.   Words that do not come from me spill through my brain.   They distract me from self-pity, lead me back to Him.   They calm and reassure.   Sometimes I know they're there, but I'm so upset I can't focus on them.

It is like God prays to me to teach me how to pray to Him.  Usually, I listen, sometimes I can't. Either way He finds me. When I can't hear, He shows me. He simply will not allow me to get lost!

Consequently, I adore Him. He is my beloved on whom I rely, and I know He will never hurt me or stop helping me. I am beginning to see how He needs me, too--beginning to believe He needs me, too--and that belief has empowered me in ways I previously did not embrace. 

I am a neophyte Spirit, a Master's apprentice, an old student dropout who is finally learning to fly. 

Most of the time, now, I do not look at things alone, but always with Him by my side, looking, too.  I have learned I do not need to be in charge, and when I am confident in my prayers, He answers with what I need instantaneously.   He whispers, "Why don't you just let Me worry about that . . ."   And these days, finally, I do. 

Right now, I am as weak or weaker than I have ever been, but feel more settled in myself than I have ever been.   I think that peace comes from embracing His Spirit in me, from letting go and realizing I do not need to circle my wagons to protect myself because I have an invincible Savior guarding my soul. I am able to rest by the Holy Fire in me, stop listening for wolves, and never meet a stranger, because I know He needs me, so I know He is looking out for me.  

“So, sit yourself down on a log there by the Fire and we’ll have a mighty chat. Wanna cup of coffee?”

Phoenix Rising

Joy, like a fire,
still burns inside
fed by friends,
...most dear;

Sadness
dwells
still
deep
still
sore,
crying
only
where
God
can
hear.

But He hears is all,
As He stands by the door,
And each day I smile
A little more. 

Lively 7/10/2011

What is Intelligence?

Here is what I think. Comment, tell me what you think.

Intelligence is the ability to memorize facts, use tools, follow patterns.   Creativity, intuition, inspiration, wisdom, insight--these come from God; intelligence without God is an encyclopedia, an atlas, a calculator.  The rest we must be taught by people who also believe in God. 

We must be taught about God, first, then the rest will come to us through that understanding. Otherwise, we raise little machines who use their intellect to seek shallow pleasures, material wealth, casual relationships, short-term solutions--because they have no foundation in faith, no way to see the depth of meaning God has placed in our existence.  

Profundity must see the connectiveness of things; human nature must be made aware of the world within which is much greater than the tangible one without.  Human mind, body and soul cannot be fully connected without God, for God is the power source--an endless source. Humans must be connected to the Trinity that is within them to be fully human and solidly free. 

Christian morals and intellect create genuis.   Intellect, alone, creates chaos.