L@@King UP

Nietzsche said, “After you’ve gazed long enough into the abyss, it will also gaze into you.”

 In Philippians 4:8, Paul writes, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

Both are right. One tells us how to find peace and happiness, how to help ourselves focus on loving like Christ, while the other flat out warns us of the alternative.  

I have had long staring contests with the abyss, and only now, past half a decade of days, seen clearly my way to look uninhibitedly upon the glory of the other.  Ironically enough, it is the hot depths of despair that burned the cataracts of doubt from my eyes making them clear and clean enough to see God.   

I hope to spend all the rest of my days describing what I see in the depths of joy. I wish to spend the rest of my days in the palm of the gentle hand of Christ. I plan to spend all the rest of my days bathing in the fresh cool waters His fount of love.

I hope, I wish, I plan . . . I pray . . . even as I know I am not in charge anymore.  He decides for me, and He, I know, plans to use me for tasks that will carry me far down away from His embrace into the needs of His people.  Into the depths, again, from which I have so recently emerged, so rapturously been rescued.

The way I know well. He needs someone who knows the way in because he must have someone who can find her way back out. He needs someone who understands why others would descend in the first place. He needs the hands and feet of someone who has been tested by the fire, so no longer fears it. Someone who can endure the fire long enough to bring others out as their will allows them; someone willing to ignore death for the sake of life.

This is not the same route through which I first entered, but I will recognize the way regardless and this time, I will be carrying a Lantern through the darkness. A Lantern planted within me at birth, which now shines through glass as clear as mountain air, glass molten once in a pool of fire, now poured and blown, then shaped and cooled with the artistry of the breath of the Holy Spirit.

I start work, officially, tomorrow.

2011 Indiana State Fair Tragic Accident

We never know when that time will come--to die, to help, to witness, to reflect . . . Prayers go out to all those traumatized by this horrific accident--some shocked by what unfolded before them, some broken in hospitals or at home, too many devastated, as they grieve for loved ones lost.    

Pray for Sugarland, for our Indianapolis and Indiana community, for those who set up the equipment, those in charge and working at the State Fair 2011. Many, many, many of us are stunned by this and we need each other to bind together and pray for God to surround all with comfort, peace, hope.

I teach in Indianapolis Public Schools and have for nineteen years. I know hundreds of  beautiful, God loving souls from my years of teaching, and I know the power of prayer.  I know hundreds of Spirit filled friends and loved ones. You know me or you would not be getting this, and I know each of you enough to know you are, in the hundreds,  people of strong faith and, trust me,  the power of our prayer WILL help these people--help ALL of us.  

Pray for hope, for peace, for loving comfort. Prayer vigils, personal prayer, small gatherings—whatever you wish; the Holy Spirit hears us ALL.

We have it in us to comfort, to soothe, to save for this terrible accident or anytime. I know it for a fact. 

Dare to share your faith.

Personal Prayer Reflections

“Sit yourself down on a log there by the Fire and we’ll have a mighty chat. Wanna cup of coffee?”

                                                                     by Beth Ann Lively on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 11:25am

I pray constantly all day long and especially in the morning when I wake up and again when I go to bed.   I simply find myself talking to God as I would to any trusted confidant--telling Him stories, thanking Him for His love, asking Him to free me from pain, trying to explain how I feel, apologizing for all my mistakes, my flashes of selfish ego.   Often, amazingly enough, it is not me who instigates these conversations, but Him.   He coaxes me to come to Him; smiles in that way beloveds have that lets me know it is time to talk truth. 

In the last few years prayer seems to come for me all the time, come seeking me out like this old friend who will never tire of loving me.   Words that do not come from me spill through my brain.   They distract me from self-pity, lead me back to Him.   They calm and reassure.   Sometimes I know they're there, but I'm so upset I can't focus on them.

It is like God prays to me to teach me how to pray to Him.  Usually, I listen, sometimes I can't. Either way He finds me. When I can't hear, He shows me. He simply will not allow me to get lost!

Consequently, I adore Him. He is my beloved on whom I rely, and I know He will never hurt me or stop helping me. I am beginning to see how He needs me, too--beginning to believe He needs me, too--and that belief has empowered me in ways I previously did not embrace. 

I am a neophyte Spirit, a Master's apprentice, an old student dropout who is finally learning to fly. 

Most of the time, now, I do not look at things alone, but always with Him by my side, looking, too.  I have learned I do not need to be in charge, and when I am confident in my prayers, He answers with what I need instantaneously.   He whispers, "Why don't you just let Me worry about that . . ."   And these days, finally, I do. 

Right now, I am as weak or weaker than I have ever been, but feel more settled in myself than I have ever been.   I think that peace comes from embracing His Spirit in me, from letting go and realizing I do not need to circle my wagons to protect myself because I have an invincible Savior guarding my soul. I am able to rest by the Holy Fire in me, stop listening for wolves, and never meet a stranger, because I know He needs me, so I know He is looking out for me.  

“So, sit yourself down on a log there by the Fire and we’ll have a mighty chat. Wanna cup of coffee?”

Phoenix Rising

Joy, like a fire,
still burns inside
fed by friends,
...most dear;

Sadness
dwells
still
deep
still
sore,
crying
only
where
God
can
hear.

But He hears is all,
As He stands by the door,
And each day I smile
A little more. 

Lively 7/10/2011

What is Intelligence?

Here is what I think. Comment, tell me what you think.

Intelligence is the ability to memorize facts, use tools, follow patterns.   Creativity, intuition, inspiration, wisdom, insight--these come from God; intelligence without God is an encyclopedia, an atlas, a calculator.  The rest we must be taught by people who also believe in God. 

We must be taught about God, first, then the rest will come to us through that understanding. Otherwise, we raise little machines who use their intellect to seek shallow pleasures, material wealth, casual relationships, short-term solutions--because they have no foundation in faith, no way to see the depth of meaning God has placed in our existence.  

Profundity must see the connectiveness of things; human nature must be made aware of the world within which is much greater than the tangible one without.  Human mind, body and soul cannot be fully connected without God, for God is the power source--an endless source. Humans must be connected to the Trinity that is within them to be fully human and solidly free. 

Christian morals and intellect create genuis.   Intellect, alone, creates chaos.

The Sailing Soul

Yesterday was awful, today is better. 

Not long ago, I had two days in a row which were great. . . 

Today, even though it's better, is a space where I can't imagine 
feeling great-- even though I did not so long ago . . . 

This process is so weird.   Floating in our private arks. . . 

On seas which are never calm... no control of the helm. 

No rudder, even, here in mine. 

Amazing we can be so challenged by stormy seas 

in our own hearts. 

The paradox of the soul: at once both finite within our 
bodies, and infinite, 

because nothing exists to us except through that infinity. 
It traverses time and space. It seeks rest, yet it can never rest in the 
seeking... 

God solves that paradox. 

God provides the resting place:

 an island,  

an anchor, 

a dock, 

a harbor. 

He's the only rest. 

No wonder so many people are desperate; 

how can they feel otherwise in this crazy sea with nowhere to rest??  
Why is it we humans depend on ourselves until the last moment?? 

Only when our resources are completely depleted do 
we scream out for help, and find that there has always been rest there just waiting... 

Unless we discipline ourselves in the practice of seeking Christ, 

we never remember He's there! 

Doesn't take long until we are totally wrapped up in trying to solve our 
own problems. Tossed around sea sick in our little boats, 

frantically bailing, 
           instead of praying. 

" Turn your eyes upon jesus, look up in his wonderful face, 
and the things of this world, will grow 

 strangely dim, in the light at His 
glory and grace."

Please, Consider the Lament of American Teachers Before it is Too Late!!

The problem with education is this: The world is run by business men and those trained in business only see the bottom line and streamlined means to get there.  Because of "No Child Left Behind," which too many have not understood since its inception, as well as a greed-embracing country run more and more with an eye on only that bottom line, all aspects of American education are being scrutinized through the uncompromising, fact-based, inappropriate eye of either saving or actually making money. This myopic, heartless view negates the necessity for virtue, the element in education that truly defines it.  

School is not a business but rather a living, breathing creature of nature, an animal made up of many thousands of beating hearts, pumping limbs, thinking brains and giggling souls.    This American treasure thrives and grows, learns and succeeds due to nurturing, not dollars.     Whatever the discussion about education, make no mistake, if we forget this fact we are doomed.  Filling our schools with money mongers, mapping a plan to create an infrastructure of profit,  we are blindly paving a road of gold towards nowhere.   

Nowhere will you find a story of a teacher who reached students because she was paid more money. Nowhere will you find a story where a student prospered because he took a test.  The success is when a young lady realizes her inspired words in a poem are worthy of praise. Children remember teachers who encouraged and inspired them. Students take risks, become leaders in communities and give back to the common good because someone has taught them the value of human virtue, the maturity in putting others first, the strength in helping the poor and weak.    Without this, we are raising selfish terrors who will someday consume us. 

Blessings

 Some of the Things I Don’t Deserve

By Beth Lively

Chicken livers perfectly sauteed, fine wine, clean laundry, the rapt attention of an audience, an unloaded dishwasher,
my parents, sympathy, friends of gold, forgiveness, a dog who adores me, living wages, the house where l live, pity, speechless sunsets,
a merciful God, good health, a horse, nothing
 terrible or heartbreaking, spring, kindness, the benefit
of the doubt, a perfectly grilled prime steak,
symphony tickets, puppies, God given talents, lobster bisque, inebriation, gold jewelry, loons calling on a northern lake, thunder storms, books, horses, lily of the valley, my sister, movies, stained glass, and the kisses and eyes of someone in love with me.

The Pruning

The day is cold and gray,
but the sun will shine when it’s
had time to cut through
the winter dense cloud cover;
sounds kinda like me:
daily tearing away chunks
of a wizened shredded heart;

Under the layers of winter grey,
the house seems pale and muted;
a home shut tight; a full trashcan
filled with memories like daffodil bulbs
sleeping; the only living thing in sight
is me, and I am dormant, too.

I am waiting for the sun to shine again,
to learn how to unfurl my heart in its warmth.
These days, neither long nor short, bright nor dark,
wet nor dry, fill me with a sadness I cannot name.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, a day of love
and chocolate. My father, born ninety-five years ago,
always bought red cardboard hearts full of truffles
for my mother, my sister and me. Now he is gone.
And you’re gone. And I am alone. Very.

This morning, the flicker of life left lonely in me
Is waiting, can be seen waiting, if you look closely enough,
Waiting for the warmth to come again,
And for the pruning to begin.
 

Reaching for God

Discipleship

by Beth Ann Lively on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 8:24pm

Below is one of my favorite passages. Verse 7, especially: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."  This is what I would like to be able to say when I meet my Lord; but so far, it seems I have messed this up repeatedly.

One minute my faith is so strong, I hear the All Mighty God whispering to me; the next I am sobbing because something didn't go right, something else backfired, and I decide maybe the whole idea of a God is fluff.  No kidding.  As hard as that is to admit, I think I need to say it. I think I need to concede that even as I urge others to faith, I will often entertain doubt. . . I have so much fear and insecurity--just like most all of us who never knew the possibility, let alone the reality of unconditional love.

I have not changed a lot since I was a kid.  Others will tell you this with one of those smiles that means they find me quirky comic relief and so forgive my playfulness, so you will know what I say is true. One thing that has changed, though, is my understanding of God's love.  My personal experiences with His grace.   The perfect comfort of His unconditional, all encompassing love.

Only through brokenness have I come to experience His true nature--that He has always understood and loved me since before I left the womb; that He has no concept of time, so His love is always NOW; that He does not only forgive me my sins, my mistakes and petty feelings, my lost and lonely howls, but He understands why I did these things!!  He understands it all!

He gets me!  God the Almighty, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, of All Things Seen and Unseen, THAT GOD gets why I screamed at my mom and cried for an hour afterward; God of Abraham, God of Moses, THAT GOD gets why I kicked the washing machine, or slammed a door or cussed out the driver in front of me!  HE GETS IT!!!

His love is about getting us, about loving us just the way we are because He sees all the wonderful things each of us is--all those things we don't see while we stumble through this world that rarely reflects Him. He knows our hearts, He knows how difficult it is to keep our faith as we plow, or trudge, sob or rush through our days. He gets us and He loves us just the way we are.

So when it is my turn to walk into His outstretched arms, I know He will wrap those tremendous arms around me and whisper: "Beth, My Beth; you have fought the good fight, you have finished the race, you have kept the faith. Welcome home, child. Daddy's here."


II Timothy 4
 1 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
 6 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his coming.

Although I keep getting older, growing up is an option!

Drowning in Love

I gasp for air amid the flood of tears

Rabid breaths that show no foam . . .

This is our home!  This is OUR stuff!

Sobs well up inside me

So deeply

I vomit them out,

Retching, wailing

Sucks of air

That exhaust my body

And drain my soul.

Finally,

I cry silently,

Mouth wide open

Unable to breathe,

Until finally

It

Stops.

We bag her up slowly.

I loving pull clothing out of drawers

Sweaters she cherished

T-shirts so clever

She had to beam

Every time she pulled them

Over her ample breasts,

Others that mark

Everyplace we’ve ever been

(and every size she ever was!)

some of them so precious

so painted with memories

of her, of us,

I put them back in the drawers

Priceless art to me,

Soft, secret, silent

Souvenirs of a sweetheart.

And the twenty-year-old

Skinny frail little

Tiger cat Abby

Who spent every evening

For twenty years

Curled above her head

On the back of the couch;

Who watched

I don’t know

How many

Episodes of

Wheel of Fortune

And

How many

Matches of

Jeopardy;

Who never had

Even one chance

To answer a

Single question;

Yowls and yowls and yowls

Mournfully, incessantly

All day long

And into the night

And early every morning

Crying for a lost love

On which to rest her

Weary bones.

And I . .

I watch her carried out

In bags and boxes

Hauled out

Luggled out

By loving, well meaning

Caring, grieving

Family and intimate friends

I watch as her

Favorite soaps

Lotions

Makeup

Brushes

Are so much junk, now;

How her keepsakes

Are tossed in

(can’t keep everything,

for pity’s sake)

her hats

that kept her

chemo-bald head

warm in the

only winter

she had left;

and the fishing

hats she wore

the last summer

our last summer

 the one we didn’t know

would be the last.

We looked at pictures

We looked at cards and

Old letters

We looked at

A life

Torn out of

Its home

Like a turtle

Ripped from the shell

And what do you

Have then?!

Only so much dead meat to

Burn

Into

Dust.

Which is in a beautiful

Too expensive blue cloisonné’ urn

Set loving amid

Family photos

And a picture of

Jesus.

Lively 2010

Ox E Moron

And so I lift the yoke

carefully, lovingly,

and with some effort

place it smoothly, firmly

on my waiting shoulders;

where I straighten it

slowly, respectfully

until it feels

balanced and bearable

wearable and terrible

and I lift my neck

my eyes to God

above me

see God around me

know God is in me

and I limp

back to

my

life.

Lively 2009

Holy Spirit in a Poet's Heart

Sonnet #3   I Love How Winter

I love how winter settles in to swaddle living earth,

Tucking every flower in to wait for their new birth.

I love the way the winter sun shines warm from distant sky,

Its rays bring hope of days to come where newborn green will lie.

I love the hoar frost clinging to the empty limbs of trees,

It shimmers on the naked growth then greets the sun and leaves.

I love the way the snow comes down, each flake original art,

To blanket every single thing and warm my aching heart.

Winter, in her cold and ice, brings Heaven’s warmth to me,

Beneath her fridge wonderland, lies all eternity.

Lively 12/2010